Connecting with the right therapist can be a transformative experience, especially for those of us in the LGBTQ+ community. Finding a therapist with training and experience in queer affirming therapy can make all the difference on whether you feel trusted and safe to explore. Ensuring your therapist is queer-friendly is critical for feeling understood and supported in your mental health care. If you’re in the process of finding a new therapist, use these questions as a guide to ensure they’re queer-friendly.

Understanding the Importance of Queer-Friendly Therapy

I remember my palms sweating the first time I brought up being bisexual to my own therapist. In truth I’d been avoiding the conversation. We’d been connecting so well and I felt seen and like we had so much in common on all these different levels. But she’d mentioned a husband and there were no pride flags in her office. I wondered. “is this going to be a big deal?” “Am I going to have to have yet another conversation on Queer People 101 to get her up to speed?” These worries kept popping up, even though I’d been out in my personal and professional life for years. 

I took the plunge, and spoke up about being queer. I told her about my sexuality; how it had impacted me growing up, the details of my dating history. We got into some of the unique challenges that come up around mental health and queer people, like my experiences of discrimination, how I dealt with societal stigma, and the stress of coming out. 

Unique Challenges Faced by LGBTQ+ People

Having a therapist who understands these specific issues is essential for effective therapy. My therapist showed me empathy and insight. She didn’t make the session all about my sexuality when that wasn’t what I needed. Connecting with someone who understood and didn’t need me to explain anything about myself made me feel understood and validated.

Evidence to Support Queer-Friendly Care

Queer-friendly therapy isn’t just about being allowed in the room. It’s about having a therapist who is knowledgeable about LGBTQ+ issues. Also, it’s about having a therapist you can trust who actively works to create an inclusive and affirming space. This kind of support can make a big difference in your therapeutic experience. A trusting relationship with a queer-friendly therapist leads to better mental health outcomes. Finally, it can help you build a stronger sense of self. If you’d like to go into more detail about what the benefits of LGBTQ+ friendly therapy can be, check out my article LGBTQ+ Friendly Therapy is a Game-Changer for Queer Adults.

The research on what types of therapies work best shows that LGBTQ+ friendly therapy makes a major difference. In the book LGBT Health: Meeting the Needs of Gender and Sexual Minorities, the authors found really encouraging results. Specifically, they found that “80% of individuals who received affirming care reported improvement in gender dysphoria, 78% improved in psychological symptom presentation, and 80% improved in overall well-being.” Powerful impact!

In addition, research done by the American Psychological Association found that getting LGBTQ+ affirming therapy meant you used more coping skills during times of distress. And on top of that, the APA found that in the long term, receiving queer-friendly therapy reduced patients’ internalized shame, “self-stigma,” and negative beliefs about themselves. These are the kinds of benefits that can be life-changing.

Case study research, like this article published by Heather Zapor and Gregory Stuart, also indicates that queer-affirming therapy can ease the symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as psychological distress in general. Each of these studies provides further evidence that LGBTQ+ friendly therapy has long term positive impacts for your mental health.

Preparing for Your First Session

There is some homework to do before you even step into a therapist’s office. I don’t love it, but that’s the truth. Start with therapist directories like Manhattan Alternative here in New York City. Many websites to help you find a therapist have filters you can use to narrow your search down to queer-affirming providers. Other organizations, like QueerPsych, can help you see what your options are in your local area.

Initial Contact: Setting the Tone

Many therapists offer an initial consult call for free. We do those here at Full Focus Therapy, and it’s a pretty standard practice amongst therapists. Whether it’s over the phone or through email, whatever your initial contact is with a potential therapist, you have the opportunity to set the tone. You can mention up front that you are looking for a queer-friendly therapist. It’s okay to explain why this is important to you. Pay attention to their response. The initial conversation can give you some insight into their level of comfort and understanding.

The Keys to Finding an LGBTQ+ Friendly Therapist

One of the most straightforward ways to figure out if a therapist is queer-friendly is by asking them directly. Here are some questions to consider:

1. “What experience do you have working with LGBTQ clients?”

   This question aims to gauge whether the therapist has a solid understanding of queer issues. Be on the lookout for therapists who have extensive experience or training in this area.

2. “Have you received any specific training in LGBTQ issues?”

   Therapists often have to pay for the training we get after grad school. What training a therapist chooses to attend shows you what they value. Getting formal training in LGBTQ+ issues is a positive sign that they are committed to providing knowledgeable and sensitive care.

3. “How do you approach issues about sexual orientation and gender identity?”

   This question is a little more vague. It gives your therapist a chance to share their values, and the treatment model they work from. Their ease and comfort when describing this in detail tells you how familiar they are with the topic. 

4. “Can you provide examples of how you’ve supported queer clients in the past?”

   This one is a little trickier for therapists to answer. We have to consider the confidentiality of our past clients. It’s our job to keep their information private. It’s still a useful question to ask, because getting specific examples can give you a clearer picture of how the therapist works. Although they may not be able to give you the full lowdown, how they answer this question will provide you with good info.

    

5. “How do you ensure your practice is inclusive and affirming for queer clients?”

   This may be my favorite question of all. Many therapists consider themselves queer-friendly. Far fewer back that up with a proactive approach to inclusivity. Are they using inclusive language? Are they creating a welcoming environment? What does this mean to them?

6. “What are your views on conversion therapy and other harmful practices?”

   This is a question I wish no one had to ask. This is the therapist’s chance to give a clear and unequivocal rejection of conversion therapy. If there is any ambiguity here, or any confusion, it’s a major red flag.

Questions About Resources and Referrals

A well-connected therapist can be a valuable resource. Find out their expertise when it comes to forming queer community with these questions:

1. “What resources or support groups do you typically recommend to queer clients?”

   One of the major benefits of finding a queer therapist is that they often have access to relevant resources. They might be able to provide additional support or connect you with a broader community.

2. “Can you refer me to other queer-friendly professionals if needed?”

   It’s useful to know if your therapist can refer you to other LGBTQ+ affirming healthcare providers. You never know what other healthcare needs might come up in your work together. It could be helpful to have someone connected to the community of queer providers.

Evaluating Their Responses

Open and knowledgeable responses are key signs that a therapist is queer-friendly. You’re not just looking for a therapist who is supportive. Also keep an eye out for providers who are well-informed about LGBTQ+ issues. Their willingness to learn and adapt is another good sign that they are committed to providing you with affirming care.

Red Flags to Watch Out For

Be wary of hesitation or dismissive attitudes. If your therapist seems unsure about navigating queer issues or avoids discussing them, this might not be the right fit for you. Lacking specific knowledge or experience is another red flag.

Importance of Feeling Comfortable and Safe

If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to look for a different therapist to work with. If you aren’t sure how to gauge their response, you can share what you feel with them directly. Your comfort and safety are paramount. A quality therapist will make you feel understood, respected, and valued.

It can be uncomfortable advocating for your needs in therapy. It’s important though! If you feel your identity isn’t being adequately valued, speak up. Your mental health is too important to compromise. Even though finding the right fit might take time, it’s worth the effort. Standing up for yourself in this way is part of the process to ensure you receive the support you want.

Additional Tips and Resources

Ask friends, support groups, or LGBTQ+ community centers for referrals. Personal recommendations can be invaluable in finding a therapist who is genuinely supportive and effective.

Stay informed about your rights and resources as an LGBTQ+ individual. Part of my problem in connecting with a queer-friendly provider was not even knowing that they are out there! Continuous self-education can help you find the best possible care.

Conclusion

Finding a queer-friendly therapist is a massive help in getting your mental health needs met. By asking the right questions and paying attention to the response, you can find a therapist who truly understands and supports you. Remember, you deserve to feel safe and respected in your therapy. Your mental health and well-being are important. Don’t settle for anything less than affirming, supportive care!