In figuring out our identity, the threads of sexuality and culture often intertwine, creating a unique and complex fabric of experiences. For bisexual people of Asian descent, navigating this intersection can get complicated quickly. In this article, my aim is to celebrate and uplift the people embracing their bisexual Asian identity. We’ll look at the specific challenges that come up when navigating being bisexual and Asian, celebrate the richness of these two communities, and uplift the voices of the people creating a life and a community as bisexual Asian Americans. 

A caveat before we begin: I am a white bisexual psychologist, not an authority on Asian American experiences. I’m writing this article in order to compile different firsthand accounts of how Asian Americans experience their bisexuality and combine that with the psychological research that has been done with members of this community. 

Bisexuality within the Asian Community

Bisexuality encompasses the capacity for emotional, sexual, and romantic attraction to multiple genders. In Traci Lee’s op-ed for Teen Vogue, “How I've Learned That Being a Bisexual Chinese American Woman Doesn't Make Me "Leftover," she explores how within the Asian community, cultural expectations can shape the perception of sexuality. She addresses how being Chinese American and bisexual adds layers of complexity to the experience of existing as herself.

One of the concerns Traci Lee identifies is about how fear and shame around her bisexual identity kept her from discussing it with her family of origin. “As much as it shames me to admit it,” she writes, “it’s been fear that has stopped me from even trying to openly discuss it with my family: fear that if I dated a woman, their shame would be worse than if I were single; fear that if I dated a man, they would express open relief that being bi was just a “phase”; and fear that, at the end of the day, I haven’t lived up to the expectations of the generations that came before me who sacrificed everything to give me what they saw as a “normal, happy life.”

Additionally, she gets into how a lack of media representation made it difficult for her to find role models for being queer within the Asian American, specifically Chinese American, community. “Similar to my family’s experience,” she writes, “my own perceptions were also limited by the media available to me growing up, where I already didn’t see faces that looked like mine on TV or in films.” 

Exploring Cultural Perspectives on Sexuality

If we want to navigate the complexity of bisexuality, we have to understand the racial and cultural context in which bisexual people exist. Traditional views of bisexuality in Asian cultures vary widely, across national, religious, linguistic, and familial lines. Just like with any culture, viewpoints on bisexuality range from conservative attitudes to more progressive perspectives. Discussions about sexuality and sexual orientation are taboo in many Asian cultures, while in others, there is openness and acceptance. Amidst all of these differences, how are Asian bisexual people balancing a respect for tradition with the assertion of bisexual identity?

Another complication for Asian American bisexuals is how their sexuality is perceived by the dominant White culture. This is an area rife with stereotypes, like Mi Ra Sung, Dawn M. Szymanski, and Christy Henrichs-Beck explore in their article “Challenges, Coping, and Benefits of Being an Asian American Lesbian or Bisexual Woman.” They call out several of these stereotypes in their paper: being seen either as sexually exotic or asexual, not existing in the first place, or being inferior.

Bisexuality and Traditional Conservative Values 

In “Asian Pacific American Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender People: A Community Portrait” Alain Dang and Mandy Hu discuss the ways bisexuality can feel incongruous with traditional values. To some, they say, bisexuality can be seen as a rejection of the importance of family. Those values include “emphasis on the family as the primary social unit, familial obligations to continue the family line through marriage and the bearing of children, rigid socialized gender roles, [and the] belief that homosexuality is a sin.”

Feeling Invisible

Within both the queer culture and the larger United States culture, Asian American bisexuals are sharing that they feel completely invisible. One woman, quoted in “Challenges, Coping, and Benefits of Being an Asian American Lesbian or Bisexual Woman” shared the pain of not being seen. She told her interviewer that “The greatest day to day challenge is simply how invisible I feel whether it is what is shown on mainstream media, the books I read, or the most recent frustrating news about how Asian American stereotypes are still rampant and bisexual women are still underrepresented. For me, media has always been powerful. To put it simply, I always believed media can dictate who we think can be heroes, what our society currently believes about this current group of people, what ideals we perpetuate. I exist, I am a multifaceted, complex individual and yet I am reduced to an exotic stereotype, to a sidekick or most of the time, to nothing. I am an invisible woman and I ache to exist.”

Discrimination Against Asian Bisexual People

Let’s take a look at the data we have on LGBTQ+ Asian Americans as a community. Here in New York, NYU hosted a regional conference called Queer Asian Pacific Legacy. Some of the attendees at the conference took part in community surveys put out by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. According to that data, ​“over half (52%) of the women surveyed said that the most important issue facing Asian Pacific American LGBT people was hate, violence, and harassment. Other issues of importance to women were immigration, which also ranked among the top concerns for 43% of the men and 17% of the transgender respondents surveyed, and marriage/domestic partnership, health care, and HIV/AIDS.” 

And respondents weren’t just worried about what might happen. For 95% of the people surveyed, they had experienced at least one form of discrimination and/or harassment in their lives. 

How to Embrace Bisexual Identity

Amidst the whole host of cultural pressures and societal expectations, embracing one's bisexual identity can be an act of affirmation and empowerment. And having a therapist who is LGBTQ+ friendly can be a game changer; that’s true for Asian Americans and for the whole LGBTQ+ community. Validating the spectrum of your experiences and emotions is enlightening work. 

It is helpful and important to challenge biphobia and bisexual erasure, both within and outside of the Asian community. There are real consequences to advocating for bisexuality as a legitimate and valid sexual orientation, and I want to honor the people standing up for us who take on those risks. Bisexual Asian people are of course deserving of recognition and respect. 

Use Cultural Camouflage

For some of the participants in the study, they found it helpful to use Asian cultural norms, for example affection and physical intimacy between female friends, to conceal romantic displays of affection. Another participant spoke about being treated differently when their same sex partner was White, saying that “perhaps it’s the idea that non-Asians have led me astray, and not that two Asians engulfed in Asian culture have turned their backs on it.” 

In a similar way, the Asian cultural norm of not discussing sex or sexuality can also provide some cover for Asian American bisexuals who are not comfortable having that discussion with particular family members. One person described how in accordance with that taboo, “ the question and topic are never brought up and I never have to deal with the awkwardness of answering it."

Build Supportive Networks 

For bisexual Asian people seeking validation and connection, forming safe communities with people in similar circumstances is hugely helpful. Options for how to find these communities, or how to build them yourself, include starting with websites and social media groups for queer people of color, Asian queer communities, Asian American LGBTQ+ clubs, and online support groups. Navigating relationships where your intersecting identities are celebrated can provide a sense of belonging and solidarity. 

Remember You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Reactions

For some bisexual Asian Americans, it’s helpful to locate the source of other people’s negative judgments as a “them problem.” This approach looks like letting others around you have whatever judgements or negative reactions they are going to have, without taking on the responsibility to explain or fix other people’s perspectives. When it’s safe to do so, letting other people adjust to you rather than the other way around can be freeing.

Call Out Biphobia When You Can

Holding people accountable, especially those people who are closest to us, when they say something homophobic or prejudiced is another strategy. Speaking up for yourself when you are able can bring back a sense of agency and empowerment that bigotry chips away at. For this approach, the recommendation is to pick your battles. Do you have a relationship with this person where they are willing to hear you out? How much energy do you have to give in a situation where you get pushback? Having a “back off” or “don’t say that shit to me” reaction is a great way of releasing some of the anger that biphobic comments bring up- as long as you are physically safe to do that. 

Use Your Voice in Social Activism

Coping with and challenging multiple forms of oppression that you face as a bisexual Asian American gets easier when you have a community to support you. One way to find that community, and lift up your voice with them, is to join college or university activism organizations. Attending political rallies or protests can help you advocate for causes you believe in, while pushing back against the rising tide of oppression. 

Build Up Your Stamina With Things That You Love

One of the things many of the voices I shared in this article have in common was playing the long game; existing as your bisexual Asian self is not something you grapple with once and then are forever comfortable with. How do you stay motivated to continue embracing these parts of you, when the world looks the way it does in 2024? Embracing your queer identity can bring you a sense of authenticity and belonging- but how do you continue to hold onto your humanity in the face of discrimination and biphobia? One strategy is to make the time for those games or hobbies or people who lift you up and make you feel worthwhile. This can be any activity that leaves you feeling more like yourself at the end of it. Reading, meditation, podcasts, intimate relationships, sports teams- pick whichever suits you best and commit to making time for it. This can help replenish you. Having something you love doing helps you stay resilient.

In embracing bisexual Asian identity, we embark on a journey of affirmation and empowerment, that does include pain and rejection. By acknowledging the intersections of our identities and celebrating our different experiences, we pave the way for greater acceptance and inclusivity within our queer family. We are moving towards a time when bisexual Asian Americans are visible, validated, and celebrated, and all queer identities are embraced with pride.