Overcoming Procrastination with DBT Skills
We’ve all been there—staring at an assignment, project, or even a fun self-care task, thinking, “I’ll just do it later.” But later keeps slipping further and further away. Procrastination is a common struggle, and we’ve all had to deal with it at one point or another. For us LGBTQ+ people, who also have to manage the internalized fears and doubts that come from being marginalized, procrastination can become a tricky cycle to break.
The good news? Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has tools to help you regain control, balance your emotions, and start moving forward—one small skill at a time. In this article, we’ll explore how DBT skills can help you overcome procrastination. That will provide more room for growth and more space for self-compassion.
I. Understanding Procrastination
Let’s start by breaking down what procrastination really is. At its core, procrastination is the habit of delaying tasks, even when we know it leads to negative consequences. There’s often a judgment that gets placed on people who procrastinate: that putting things off is just about laziness or poor time management. From my perspective as a psychologist, laziness doesn’t exist. Lack of motivation certainly exists. As does needing to give your body rest. When it comes to the habit of procrastination, it’s often tied to deeper emotional and psychological factors.
Particularly for LGBTQ+ adults, procrastination may be linked to anxiety, fear of judgment, or perfectionism. You might avoid tasks because they stir up feelings of inadequacy or bring back painful memories of rejection or discrimination. For example, delaying a difficult conversation, putting off self-care, or avoiding career goals can all stem from internalized shame.
Minority stress is one of the driving forces behind internalized shame for queer people. “Minority stress” refers to the pressure put onto a smaller population because they do not fit the expectations of the larger group. When it impacts LGBTQ+ people, minority stress means the discrimination that queer people face because they are not heterosexual and/or not cisgender.
One of the best studies to explore the impact of minority stress worked with LGBTQ+ Latinx people. You can read the full study here: Integrating the Neurobiology of Minority Stress with an Intersectionality Framework for LGBTQ-Latinx Populations. In the words of the authors, “experiences of minority stress can be acute and chronic and lead to poor mental and physical health outcomes.”
How Minority Stress Leads to Procrastination
The queer Lantinx people interviewed in the study explored the minority stress they experience as marginalized on the basis of race and of the basis of being queer. That minority stress “adversely impacted neurobiological regulation and well-being.” One of the ways this shows up in their habits is through procrastination, which is often a way to cope with uncomfortable emotions. Once we understand that procrastination is about avoiding emotional discomfort, we can use tools like DBT to face those feelings head-on.
II. Introduction to DBT Skills
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was originally created by Marsha Linehan to help people manage intense emotions. It’s a skills-heavy type of therapy. Many of those tools have proven useful in my life and in the lives of the people I do therapy with, especially when it comes to handling procrastination. DBT focuses on four main things: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Each of these can help you stop avoiding tasks and start taking action.
The beauty of DBT to me is that it doesn’t just tell you to “try harder” or “push through” your procrastination. Instead, it offers practical skills for managing emotions and stress. And then it balances out those tools by helping you examine the source of this behavior. That way, you can figure out why you developed this habit in the first place. and then forgive yourself.
III. Using DBT Skills to Overcome Procrastination
Let’s explore some specific skills from DBT that can help you tackle procrastination. These tools will guide you through recognizing the patterns, managing the distress, and developing healthier approaches to organizing your time.
Mindfulness Skills
Mindfulness is all about being present and aware in the moment. When it comes to procrastination, mindfulness can help you notice when you’re starting to avoid tasks. It’s easy to slip into avoidance mode without realizing it. That’s especially true if you’re used to procrastinating.
How to Use It:
Practice mindful awareness by checking in with yourself when you first notice procrastination creeping in. Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now? Why am I avoiding this task?”
Stay present by breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. If you are procrastinating a major project, the first step may not be the whole first draft. The first step may be opening up your laptop and moving your mouse to “Create new doc.” Pacing yourself by making the tasks infinitesimally small helps get over the daunting nature of one huge project.
If you become aware of anxiety in your body, try a mindful grounding exercise. For example, focus on one physical sensation at a time. Anxiety is the fuel that keeps procrastination chugging along. Bringing mindful awareness to that anxiety can help you release some of it.
Being mindful helps you recognize procrastination patterns before they spiral out of control and lets you tackle tasks in a calm, focused way.
Distress Tolerance Skills
Procrastination often happens because we want to avoid distressing emotions. For example: fear, anxiety, rejection, boredom, or even the possibility of failure. The Distress Tolerance skills help you cope with these feelings without letting them derail you.
How to Use It:
Use Progressive Muscle Relaxation when you’re feeling overwhelmed and tempted to avoid a task. This means gripping or tensing one set of muscles in your body as you inhale, and then releasing the tension and dropping those muscles on an exhale. You repeat this several times with one muscle group, and then move on to a different group. Try this skill when you notice you are procrastinating, as a way to wake yourself back up to what is important to you.
Use Radical Acceptance to acknowledge that this habit is back, and to accept how bad it has gotten. You may be giving yourself a hard time and punishing yourself for procrastinating, which is not helpful. Beating yourself up over this makes you less likely to stop it, and more likely to get caught in a shame spiral, where it becomes even harder to accomplish the task. Instead, accept the truth that you are engaging in this habit. Accept how hard it is to break this habit. Using your whole body, your whole self, face the reality that you are procrastinating again. Once you have come to accept that this behavior is happening, it is easier to stop beating yourself up about it, and feel some self-compassion.
These techniques won’t magically make tasks easier, but they will help you manage the distress that leads to procrastination. That makes it easier to take the first step.
Emotion Regulation Skills
It’s easy to become paralyzed by procrastination when emotions are running high. Emotion Regulation skills help you manage your feelings so they don’t control you.
How to Use It:
Check the facts. Are your emotions rooted in reality? Ask yourself what is threatening about this particular task. What is the worst case scenario that you are dreading? Then you can address the core fear that is blocking you. For instance, let’s say you are procrastinating on having a painful conversation because you’re afraid it will signal the end of an important relationship. In this example, the core fear might be losing this person, being abandoned, or feeling alone. Once you've figured out what the threat is, you can address it. For example, by communicating to your partner how important they are to you, or how you want to be able to have conversations like this one without it threatening the relationship. Once that underlying threat is dealt with, the conversation or task is easier to face.
Act opposite to your urge. This skill, Opposite Action, involves doing the opposite of what your emotions are telling you. Use Opposite Action when your feelings are urging you to avoid a task, and at the same time you know logically that it needs to get done. Lean into that discomfort by starting the task anyway. For instance, steel yourself to put in three minutes of work on that particular task. The manageable step of three minutes can be enough to get you started, and help you break the cycle of avoidance.
Many times shame is the emotion that underlies the decision to procrastinate. We feel might ashamed at how long a task takes us, or ashamed that we need something from someone else. Examine what feelings first arise in you when you think about the task you are procrastinating. If you recognize that feeling as shame, sit with that feeling for a moment. Allow yourself to feel it. There will be time to use Opposite Action to shame’s urge to avoid. But first, we have to experience the feeling.
Managing emotions doesn’t mean you have to ignore them or pretend they’re not there. It’s about acknowledging those emotions and finding ways to act in line with your values, rather than being controlled by fear or discomfort.
Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Sometimes procrastination comes from external pressures, such as fear of judgment or rejection. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills can help you communicate your needs and set boundaries, both with yourself and others.
How to Use It:
For a given task that you are procrastinating, be intentional in considering whether it is actually important to you to complete it. If you determine that is it necessary or worth doing, set boundaries with yourself and others around how much time you are going to devote to it, and communicate those boundaries clearly.
Ask for support from your friends and loved ones. For people with ADHD, having another person physically in the room with us while we work can help us regulate ourselves better. This is especially useful if both of you are working on different tasks, such that you have a person to check in with while also have enough space to get real work done.
Get an accountability buddy. Choose a trusted friend or community member who you update regularly. Letting someone know about your goals ahead of time can provide extra motivation to follow through. Also, you can ask them to hold your feet to the fire about it later on once the urge to procrastinate has come up. Having them bring it up with you and check in can really help break the procrastination cycle.
V. How LGBTQ+ Adults Can Get the Most Out of These Skills
DBT skills can help you confront the underlying emotion and take action in ways that honor your identity and your mental health. For example, mindfulness can help you become aware of what societal pressures are leading to avoidance. Distress tolerance skills can offer tools for managing the anxiety that comes with self-advocacy or vulnerability.
Making sustainable changes is a slow process, according to the philosophy of DBT. You don’t need to tackle everything at once. Start small. Choose one skill to practice and apply it to a manageable task. Most importantly, remember that self-compassion is key—be patient with yourself as you work to create new habits.
Integrating DBT skills into your daily life can create a powerful routine for overcoming procrastination. Start by scheduling regular mindfulness check-ins, practicing distress tolerance techniques when stress hits, and using emotion regulation skills to challenge negative thinking.
And along the way, celebrate your small wins. Whether it’s sending that overdue email or taking five minutes to meditate before tackling a big project, recognize your progress and reward yourself for the effort.
If procrastination feels like a constant struggle, don’t hesitate to seek support. LGBTQ+ friendly therapists can make a huge difference. Also, there are online and in-person DBT groups that could be helpful, as well as peer support networks that offer guidance and accountability. If you’d like to schedule a consult call with us at Full Focus Therapy for some queer-friendly DBT therapy, contact us!
Conclusion
Overcoming procrastination is a journey, especially when it’s fueled by deep emotions or external pressures. With DBT skills like mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness, LGBTQ+ adults can break the cycle of avoidance and create room for growth and self-care. Take one small step today—and remember, it’s not about perfection, it’s about progress.