Bisexual erasure: Amplifying bisexual stories
Within the tapestry of the queer community, bisexual people find themselves navigating a unique set of snarls. Among these challenges, one of the most ensnaring is bisexual erasure: the process whereby the B in LGBTQ+ gets hidden, dismissed, or denied. This experience diminishes the validity and the visibility of bisexuality within the queer community itself and society at large. In this article, we will pick apart the threads of bisexual erasure, exploring the causes, the impact, and most importantly, the power of bisexual stories in combating that erasure.
Understanding How Bisexuality Gets Erased
Bisexual erasure refers to the tendency to minimize the existence of bisexuality as a sexual orientation, and of individual bisexual people. It shows up in various forms, from the perpetuation of stereotypes or misconceptions about bisexual individuals, to outright denial of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation. This did not happen overnight. The erasure is deeply rooted in societal norms and attitudes that evolved over time. It is often fueled by binary thinking that insists on categorizing individuals as strictly gay or straight.
Bisexual individuals often face skepticism and scrutiny from both heterosexual and homosexual communities, leading to feelings of invisibility and invalidation. This can happen to individual bi people (for example, sometimes when people learn my partner is a woman and assume both of us are lesbians who have only ever dated cis women). Or this can happen to bi people as a group when the argument is made that all bisexual people are undecided or “haven’t picked yet.” That’s bisexual erasure to a T.
The Impact of Bisexual Erasure
The effects of experiencing bisexual erasure extend far beyond a lack of recognition. It impacts the mental health and well-being of bisexual individuals over the lifespan. Constantly being overlooked or told you don’t exist can lead to feelings of isolation, self-doubt, or self-hatred. Moreover, bisexual individuals may struggle to find representation and support within the LGBTQ+ community, further deepening the feelings of alienation.
In the realm of relationships, bisexual people may encounter misunderstanding in both dating and forming close friendships. It is a myth that bisexuality is the same as indecisiveness, and that pervasive myth leads to mistrust and discrimination in romantic and sexual contexts. Another common misconception is that bisexuality always means having a multitude of sexual partners. That is not a universal bisexual experience, despite the common assumption. A meta-analysis of several research articles on the topic of bi erasure “suggests that people often consider bisexual women to be in an experimental phase or seeking attention from men.” That’s according to “Bisexuality in 21st Century Media,” Bethany Abrams’ award-winning work at Augustana College. This can make it difficult for bisexual individuals to find understanding and acceptance in their friendships or romantic relationships, regardless of the gender of their partner.
The assumptions and misunderstandings faced by bisexual people differ depending on your gender. Bisexual men are perceived differently than bisexual women, which is different from how non-binary or trans bisexuals are perceived. Kissing or sexual behavior between women in public is often fetishized and compared to pornography aimed at heterosexual men. Meredith Worthen at the University of Oklahoma published an examination of this concept called “An argument for separate analyses of attitudes toward lesbian, gay, bisexual men, bisexual women, MtF and FtM transgender individuals.” She explored how the discrimination faced by these different groups is not universal to them, by stating how “prejudicial attitudes… vary by the target of prejudice and the respondents’ characteristics.”
One common misconception is that there are not that many bisexual people, especially bisexual men. In their 2000 twin study “Genetic and environmental influences on sexual orientation and its correlates in an Australian twin sample,” Bailey, Dunne, and Martin found that the common assumption is that “the number of bisexual men is negligibly small.” In reality, bisexuality is the largest group within the LGBTQ+ umbrella.
One common question that you get as a bisexual person is “who have you dated in the past?” It feels like the question is designed to root out whether you are actually straight or gay, as if you could not just be bisexual. This leads to bisexual people having to “prove” who they know they are, based on having the exact “correct” dating history. Let’s talk about who this assumption excludes. Say you are an asexual or aromantic bisexual person who has never been in a serious relationship before. Does that mean you can’t claim any sexual orientation identity at all? Or, if you are dating people of multiple different genders, does this mean you have been flipping identities from straight to gay depending on which days you go on which dates? Are you supposed to have really been attracted to only some of the people you have been attracted to? It’s nonsensical.
Breaking the Silence: The Power of Bisexual Narratives
Each bisexual individual who speaks out contributes their voice to a more inclusive and affirming environment for all. Despite the pervasive nature of bisexual erasure, there is hope. Speaking openly about bisexuality, and sharing personal narratives or experiences, can challenge stereotypes and disprove misconceptions. Conversations about the bisexual experience can build empathy and understanding within the broader queer community, and society at large. Visibility matters.
By amplifying bisexual voices, we celebrate the diversity and complexity of human sexual orientation. Bisexual stories defy the limitations of binary thinking, showcasing the richness of experiences that exist beyond traditional labels. Bisexual people embody dialectical thinking, by challenging the “black-and-white” understanding of gay versus straight. Sharing our stories creates space for authenticity and validation within the LGBTQ+ community and beyond. That can look a lot of different ways. Personal essays, social media posts, community events, and organizations like the New York Area Bisexual Network and the Bi Resource Center: there are so many different microphones to amplify the bisexual experience.
In her analysis of how the media treats bisexual characters, Bethany Adams explores the highs and lows of how three different movies and tv shows, Alex Strangelove, Atypical, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, address this topic. Her work “Bisexuality in 21st Century Media" explores my personal favorite bi character on television: Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Rosa Diaz, portrayed by Stephanie Beatriz. This character is depicted being open with her coworkers and family about her bisexuality, and while those different people exhibit the full range of responses when she comes out to them, it is clear that no one else’s rejection of her identity can shake it. As a sitcom, this show puts her coming out story in a comedic slant, without diminishing the social stakes of changing her relationship with her parents. In Adams’ words, the show “deliberately works against such stereotypes while still remaining comedic.”
Strategies for Overcoming Bisexual Erasure
Challenging the stigma around bisexuality requires collective effort and advocacy. Within the LGBTQ+ community and beyond, it's essential to confront assumptions, misunderstandings, and biphobia when those arise. While I acknowledge it is not always safe to challenge those assumptions, I do think that the more we stand up for the bisexual community when we can, the closer we get to acceptance and inclusion. Educating ourselves and others about the realities of bisexuality, and its challenges, can help break down barriers.
Building supportive networks is also crucial for combating bisexual erasure. Holding spaces where bisexual people can connect, share resources, and help support one another can help lessen the feelings of isolation and invisibility that often come along with erasure. Additionally, allies within the queer community can play a critical role in uplifting bisexual voices. Allies: we need you to be advocating for our rights and recognition.
Embracing Bisexuality: Healing and Empowerment
At its core, overcoming bisexual erasure is about reclaiming part of who we are. Self-acceptance and affirmation are powerful skills in this fight, which allow us to embrace our sexual orientation with pride. Building resilience in spite of erasure means acknowledging our worth and refusing to let others define us on their terms. It is self-compassion in action.
Finding solidarity within the bisexual community can provide validation and a sense of belonging that helps guide healing. Connecting with others who have similar experiences means connecting to support and encouragement. If you are interested in connecting with a therapist who is also bisexual, I encourage you to check out our services at Full Focus Therapy- although I am, perhaps, a little bi-ased.
DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, is built on a foundation of challenging binaries. Is it any wonder that as a bisexual person I would find some comfort in delivering this type of therapy? Belief in the "either-or" mentality when it comes to sexual orientation is a significant factor contributing to bisexual erasure. Bisexuality, being inherently fluid and non-binary, challenges this “black-and-white” view of sexuality. That makes it uncomfortable for some to accept, or even just to acknowledge.
I want to end today with the words of Robyn Ochs, pioneering researcher and one of the central voices in the bi community. When writing about bisexual people and the erasure we face, she has this to say: “Inclusion is not about an entitled group of privileged citizens deigning to open up the big door to let their inferiors in. Inclusion is about acknowledging what already is. When lesbian, gay, bi and transgendered people insist on equal rights, respect and acknowledgment in the mainstream community, we do not ask as outsiders. We are pointing out that we are already here, we have been here for a long time, and we demand that our presence as citizens be recognized legally, culturally, and interpersonally. And as a bi-identified woman, I expect the same of gay men and lesbians. Bi and trans folks have long been part of what some call the ‘gay and lesbian community’ and what I call the ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and ally communities.’ I’ve been active in my local community since the early 1980s, and I’ll continue to be here with or without anyone else’s permission. It would be a lot easier for me and for a lot of my bi and trans friends, as well as for my forward thinking gay and lesbian friends and allies, if conservatives – heterosexual and gay – would acknowledge what already exists. I’m sorry that some people have such a hard time accepting reality, but I am not going to disappear, or keep quiet, to make biphobic or homophobic people more comfortable. We’re here. Get used to it.”