Busting myths about bisexuality
What are the top five misconceptions about bisexual people? Bisexuality is a significant and common part of human sexuality, although it is often misunderstood and misrepresented. Within the LGBTQ+ community and beyond, many myths and misconceptions persist. The pervasiveness of these misunderstandings casts a shadow on the experiences of bisexual individuals, and their self-esteem can take a hit. As a psychologist specializing in queer issues, it's critical to me to address these myths head on, and provide clarity for people exploring their sexual identities. By debunking these myths about bisexuality, we can deepen our understanding, acceptance, and support for bisexual people everywhere.
Myth #1: It’s Not Just a Phase, Mom
One inescapable myth surrounding bisexuality is the idea that it is merely a transitional phase. Being bi is often treated as an experimental exploration before people settle on a fixed sexual orientation, which is permanent over the lifespan. I remember this idea coming up in old episodes of Sex and The City from the year 2000. It’s decades later and we still haven’t moved very far past Carrie Bradshaw’s proclamation that bisexuality is “a layover on the way to gay town." This idea fails to acknowledge bisexuality as a genuine sexual orientation with stability and validity.
Furthermore, it reinforces the idea that everyone needs a permanent, unchanging sexual identity. It ignores the fact that many of us in the queer community find fulfillment and satisfaction without one permanent identity. It ignores one of the chief joys of being LGBTQ+, in my humble opinion: the freedom from fixed labels.
It's been time for us all to recognize and affirm the validity of bisexuality. We’re shifting our focus to how we can offer support and understanding to people as they navigate their unique journeys of self-discovery and acceptance.
Myth #2: Bisexuals Are Unfaithful
Another damaging stereotype surrounding bisexuality is the assumption that bisexual individuals are unable to commit to relationships. This myth relies on two faulty ideas: that having multiple sexual partners is always a problem, and that bisexual people are not capable of honoring the relationship agreements they make. As far as myths go, this one is particularly egregious: not only does it perpetuate harmful stereotypes but also undermines the diversity of relationship dynamics among bisexual individuals. Bisexual people are no more or less likely to engage in infidelity than any other sexual orientation. There is no link between your sexual orientation and your likelihood to cheat on your partner. There is no link between what your sexual orientation is and what sexual behaviors you enjoy and engage in.
Bisexuality and Consensual Non-monogamy
From a sex-positive lens, this myth provides further support for shaming people for their sexual behaviors. Let’s take a moment to explore the difference between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. Having as many or as few sexual partners as you like is one part of sexual health. There are many options for structuring your relationships around having more than one partner with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved, including open relationships, polyamory, and swinging. As Ryan Scoats and Christine Campbell note in their article “What do we know about consensual non-monogamy,” many of these “definitions are open to debate.” Their article, published in Science Direct in 2022, acknowledges that people who practice consensual non-monogamy face their own set of stigmas and harmful myths. Many of these overlap with the misunderstandings that follow the bisexual community. This research, which examines the last ten years of academic studies into consensual non-monogamy, supports the idea that “studies which have examined characteristics such as love, commitment, jealousy, relationship satisfaction, and relationship quality have tended to find no difference between reports from people in monogamous and CNM relationships.”
By challenging these stereotypes and fostering understanding, we can create a more affirming environment for bisexual people to express their authentic identities without the fear of discrimination or judgment.
Myth #3: Bisexuality Reinforces the Gender Binary
Coming in hot at myth #3: the misconception that bisexuality reinforces traditional gender binaries. This comes from the idea that bisexuality limits attraction to only two of the genders: male and female. This oversimplification fails to account for the diverse spectrum of gender identities and expressions. Personally, I think the confusion comes from “bi” meaning two, and people assuming that this means two genders. Actually, the “bi” refers to two sexualities, heterosexual and homosexual. Bisexual means two, as in both “our own” and “other” genders.
Bisexuality means attraction to more than one gender, including trans, non-binary, genderqueer, and gender-nonconforming individuals. It transcends the restrictive notions of the gender binary. It embraces the complexity and the fluidity of gender identity, and of humanity.
Bisexuality and Being Trans
The fact that bisexual trans people exist shows the outrageousness of this myth. Perpetuating the idea that bisexuality excludes trans and gender non-conforming people serves to separate these groups of people from each other, when really, they often have much in common. Back in 2008, Jonathan Alexander and Karen Yescavage published their research “Bisexuality and Transgenderism: InterSEXions of the Others,” examining the overlap between transgender and bisexual individuals’ experiences. I’m excited to share what they found but first, my goodness, that pun though.
Okay, on to the findings: they identified these four themes shared between bisexual and trans people:
Marginalization within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community;
Perceptions that bisexual and transgender individuals are unwilling to commit to one sexual orientation or gender identity;
Perceptions of bisexuality and transgender as impermanent;
Expectations for disclosure by bisexual and transgender individuals of both past and present genders and partners’ genders.
Their research emphasizes the importance of recognizing the diversity of gender identities and expressions within the bisexual community. By doing so, we confront outdated stereotypes and promote greater inclusivity for all queer individuals, regardless of their gender identity.
Myth #4: Bisexuals Are Confused or In Denial
An additional myth about bisexuality that does harm is the idea that all bisexual people are confused about who they are or in denial about their true sexual orientation. This misconception perpetuates stigma and erasure, as it casually undermines the lived experiences of bisexual people as a group and as individuals.
I’ll take this opportunity to restate it again: bisexuality is a valid and legitimate sexual orientation, deserving of respect and recognition in its own right. Bisexual people often report a deep sense of self-awareness and authenticity in the act of embracing their sexual orientation. It is a profoundly felt truth.
This underscores the helpfulness of sharing our personal narratives as bisexual individuals. I recognize that not every bisexual person has the safety and freedom to own their sexual orientation at work, at home, or with their people. Let me also share my frustration that it has to be our job as bisexual people to prove that we exist, and that we matter. As a community we have been fighting this fight for a long time. It is with recognition of the difficulties of sharing our stories, and the frustration that we still need to, that I advocate for us to offer our unique perspective. As bisexual people we have insight into the complexities of navigating sexual identity. Whenever we can embrace our true selves fully, we get to counteract the harmful narratives I wrote about above. Telling bisexual stories is one way we can challenge stigma and promote greater understanding within the LGBTQ+ community and society at large.
Myth #5: Bisexuals Experience Equal Acceptance Within the LGBTQ+ Community
I’ll end this list with a painful acknowledgment: when it comes to rejection and discrimination against bisexual people, the call is often coming from inside the house. Contrary to the image of the all-accepting rainbow family, bisexual people often face unique challenges from other members and groups within the queer community. Despite being a vital part of the broader LGBTQ+ spectrum from the very beginning, bisexual people commonly report experiencing biphobia, erasure, and exclusion.
Biphobia, the fear or hatred of bisexuality, shows up in various forms, like stereotypes, prejudice, and invalidation of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation. Biphobia has a felt mental health impact, as it contributes to isolation and marginalization among bisexual people.
Bisexual erasure, the tendency to dismiss or deny bisexuality, leads to invisibility and invalidation. Bisexual people, particularly teens and young adults, may feel pressure to fit rigid definitions of sexuality, which might ultimately cost them their identity and authenticity.
We can actively address biphobia and bisexual erasure within the LGBTQ+ community. Curious about bi erasure and how to combat it? You can read more about Bisexual Erasure here. This problem does have a solution; by creating a more welcoming and affirming environment for bisexual individuals, we can all take part in enabling this group of the queer family to express ourselves authentically. But where do you start? The Bi Resource Center offers one great jumping off point. For March, Bi Health Awareness Month, they have a dedicated website for aggregating resources. Today is a great day to confront stereotypes, advocate for inclusivity, and affirm the validity of bisexuality. Leave these myths in the past where they belong, and together, let’s create a future where all sexual orientations are celebrated.